Friday, 7 August 2009

Charging for Tantric Massage

A conversation in a Tantric Massage session recently, has helped to crystallise my thoughts on receiving payment from women for Tantric Massage.

The consciousness of human sexuality still carries shame, guilt, and fear. Women, married or in a relationship, are still struggling with awkwardness, embarrassment or anger, under the "blanket" of a loving, committed relationship… Sex is still commonly an awkward and uncomfortable subject for many...

Many of the shaming elements in biblical interpretation and church history have passed from generation to generation into the present experience, our culture and society at large. I am deeply concerned for the healing of the profound trauma of shame and fear, not just in individuals, but within group systems, such as marriages, families. Today it's like an aftershock of an earthquake - using seismological imagery, I see long-unhealed sense of guilt as a dangerous "fault line" running through individual lives and in families, particularly affecting women for generations, and the words of the Bible are still shaping how men see and think of women:

“…No-one could learn the song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth.
These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they kept themselves pure.”
(Revelations 14:3-4)

For much of its history, Christianity has emphasized a strong separation of body and spirit, leaving some to consider the body "bad" and the spirit "good," thereby reinforcing our modern-day lack of clarity about sexuality. In the first century Paul advocated celibacy, if at all possible, as the best way to give oneself fully to the service of Christ. This set the stage for the shaming of those who couldn't’t measure up to the ideal. A fear of the flesh and denial of sexual impulses have left us with a disembodied theology and a great deal of shame and self-loathing. I see women are especially affected to this day...


Tantric bodywork teaches us that tantra is where men and women feel worthy of nothing but the best...

...where women understand, by example and gentle teachings their bodies, and that the shape of the entrance to their yoni is a sacred geometric shape called a Vesica Piscis.

...where men understand how to love and honour women and are loved and adored in return.

...where people aspire to excellence in their sexuality and love relationships, expand and enhance their feelings about sexuality

Religious and social conditioning has, and is still depriving women of their birthright, to embrace fully their sexuality and abandon themselves in their desire. Part of the problem is that we live in a culture which worships male energy which has led women who are struggling for recognition to act in a masculine way disconnecting from the power of their female energy. The power of the feminine is not acknowledged and unconsciously even feared.

In view of the above and the damage caused in a male dominated society, it seems obvious, that women should be offered Tantric Massage by their boyfriends, lovers, husbands and ideally even by therapists freely.


After many years as a complementary therapist, I found that by working directly with the sexual and erotic energy of the body, healing could be speeded up. It is sacred work which requires maturity and self-knowledge. This work is enjoyable, often awesome - moving into sacred spaces to meet a radiant feminine spiritual-sexual energy. It is a privilege to witness and be given such trust.

I would not exclude anyone who sincerely want to change and yet I also need to honour myself, my time and experience. It is a conflict, difficult to reconcile in a marketplace-driven society.

My fees are based on the fact that as a complementary therapist I charge £50/hour for therapeutic massage, reflexology or aromatherapy sessions. (This is probably half the rate charged for “tantric massage" to men on websites where you find a masseuse with no tantra training or experience, although admittedly they may be more attractive than me.)
A genuine Tantric Massage session is around two hours long, and as I also offer flexible rates in my clinical work - feel free to pay as much as you can comfortably afford.

To 'N',

Thank you for the inspiration for writing this....
Thank you for your joie de vivre...
Thank you for the softness of your body...
Thank you for guiding me with the rhythm of you breath...
...and allowing me to witness your beautiful "surrender".