Women's Sexual Satisfaction Often Rises With Age: Study

Sexual satisfaction increases with age among sexually active older women, according to a new study. The study included 806 older women who live in a planned community in the San Diego area and whose health has been tracked for 40 years. The study participants' average age was 67 years and 63 percent of them were postmenopausal. "Despite a correlation between sexual desire and other sexual function domains, only one in five sexually active women reported high sexual desire," lead investigator Dr. Elizabeth Barrett-Connor, chief of the division of epidemiology at the UCSD School of Medicine, said in a journal news release.

 "Approximately half of the women aged 80 years or more reported arousal, lubrication and orgasm most of the time, but rarely reported sexual desire. In contrast with traditional linear model in which desire precedes sex, these results suggest that women engage in sexual activity for multiple reasons, which may include affirmation or sustenance of a relationship," Barrett-Connor said. Sixty-one percent of the women in the study were satisfied with their overall sex life, regardless of whether they had a partner or were sexually active.

 Older age is considered a predictor of low sexual satisfaction, but the percentage of sexually satisfied women in the study actually increased with age. About half the women older than 80 reported sexual satisfaction almost always or always. Not only were the oldest women the most sexually satisfied overall, the oldest women who were sexually active had orgasm satisfaction rates similar to those of the youngest women.

 "In this study, sexual activity was not always necessary for sexual satisfaction. Those who were not sexually active may have achieved sexual satisfaction through touching, caressing, or other intimacies developed over the course of a long relationship," first author Dr. Susan Trompeter, an associate clinical professor in the division of general internal medicine at UCSD School of Medicine, and a staff physician at the VA San Diego Healthcare System, said in the news release.

 "Emotional and physical closeness to the partner may be more important than experiencing orgasm. A more positive approach to female sexual health focusing on sexual satisfaction may be more beneficial to women than a focus limited to female sexual activity or dysfunction," Trompeter concluded.

SOURCE: The American Journal of Medicine, news release, Jan. 3, 2012

Older Women, Sexual Desire and Tantric Massage

Sexuality is an important part of health and identity in every stage of a woman’s life. However, in western societies sexuality is often considered the domain of the young. The idea of mature women having and enjoying sex sits uncomfortably with many people. It is still the case today that it is more acceptable for older men than older women to be sexual.

Today, ideas of older women's sexuality often stem from traditional Christian values, where the woman was passive in her sex life, and sex was mainly for reproductive purposes. The early Christian system of belief, that declared women unclean by nature, inherently sinful and dangerous, stifled and subdued all expressions of female sexuality and creativity. The creative wisdom of mature women, were seen by the Church, as especially dangerous and the Inquisition prosecuted women healers, seers, herbalists, midwives for centuries, burning them as witches.

In sharp contrast, many “primitive societies” view menopausal women as embodiments of wisdom and creative sexuality as the Native American saying illustrates: “At menarche a young woman enters her power, throughout her menstruating years she practices her power, and at menopause she becomes her power.” Many women-centered writers in the last few decades celebrate the menopause and subsequent years as a time of positive change and a time to find new fulfillment - including sexual satisfaction.

Sex is linked to youthfulness, and a woman is often portrayed as desirable and desiring only if she has a slim and youthful body. It follows that older women whose bodies have changed are often perceived as not having sex at all! However, research has shown that many older women have sex as often as they used to in their thirties-forties and for many different reasons, sex often gets better in later life and feels more fulfilling for women.

In many indigenous societies, this is far more recognised, and older women often play the role of sexual initiator or instructor for young men.

In fact over a third of women report an increase in their libido, during and after the menopause. Sadly, when this happens, many women think, that there is something wrong with them. Often religious and social conditioning forces women to suppress sexual desire subconsciously and this can often lead to chronic depression.

Because of the physical changes that occur, some women may feel less satisfied with their body image. In fact research, published in the Journal of Sex Research, suggests that women’s lack of desire is more to do with their changing body image, not their hormone levels. If stress and psychological illnesses such as depression or anxiety develop, they (and medications given: anti-depressants and tranquillisers) can also interfere with libido and sexual desire.

Women going through the life-changing forces of the menopause can find the oft-needed reassurance of strength, beauty and femininity in Tantric Massage. It offers both a time for support and inner thought, as well as a chance to attend solely to her body and spirit. Open discussion with regard to sexual needs, desires, and expectations will also improve sexual confidence and allow older women to express their sexuality with much more freedom. Overall, mature women are said to be much more likely to have fulfilling sex lives and achieve multiple orgasms than women half their age.

Therapeutic Massage for Survivors of Trauma and Sexual Abuse

Treatment for survivors of trauma and childhood physical and sexual abuse is a highly specialized field, in part because of the complexity of issues involved in both the original trauma and in the psychological and physical symptoms that can emerge in the aftermath. Resolution of the trauma is never final; recovery is never complete. The impact of a traumatic event continues to reverberate throughout the survivor’s lifecycle. With each new life event comes the potential of a stress-induced return of traumatic memories.

Psychotherapy has been and continues to be the first-line order of treatment for survivors and is essential in working through deep-seated impairments in trust, relationships, body image and self-perception. For many, the adaptations they created to cope with the abuse will later emerge as maladaptive barriers to healthy functioning in adult life. While verbal therapy is critical to retrieval and integration of the fragmented mind, there is another aspect to recovery that has more recently gained attention and validity: that of retrieving the body as well.

Recognition that the body also holds the scars of trauma has led to increasing use of Therapeutic Massage/bodywork as a valid treatment for survivors. In addition to traditional massage, some therapists have developed specialized modalities. Other somatic therapies integrating aspects of body awareness and emotional release as part of a body/mind approach are also helpful. Since the body was integral to the trauma, it must be integrated into the healing process.

Quite commonly, the traumatized person resorts to defensive coping mechanisms, dissociation that can carry into adulthood. With any future stress, there can be a tendency to escape through dissociation and a separation from awareness of the body’s experience. While dissociation may temporarily serve an adaptive function, in the long term, lack of integration of traumatic memories seems to be the critical element that leads to the development of the complex behavioural change that we call Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

The effects of abuse on regulation of bodily and emotional states are well documented. Chronic hyper-arousal and attempts to adapt can lead to disturbances with sleep and digestion, eating disorders, and other forms of body distress. Survivors are prone to experience depression and anxiety, and in some cases resort to self-mutilation to block out emotional pain. As the child grows up the fragmentation of self, both in body and mind, increases fragility as the adult tries to navigate life with maladaptive defences. What occurs is a gradual breakdown of defences, surfacing as problems in maintaining relationships, jobs; alcohol and substance abuse, or even suicidal thoughts.

Therapeutic Massage

As the body was integral to the trauma, it is also integral to the healing process. In the past, psychotherapy was a stand-alone treatment, and it remains a necessary element for processing and reframing the psychological effects of abuse. But with the growing understanding of body/mind connection, there has been increased interest and practice of providing bodywork to facilitate wholeness. For some clients, after years of verbal therapy, there comes a time when they need and want to reclaim the body.

It is important to note that not all survivors are appropriate candidates for this approach. Several factors can influence suitability, including ego strength, the readiness to embrace change, level of dissociation, potential for psychosis, and a desire to explore this option for resolution at a deeper body level.

As a backlash to abuse, aversion to touch leaves some victims touch-deprived. The experience of touch is another important benefit of bodywork. It involves learning that touch can be pleasurable and positive experience. Even for those in a relationship, may have difficulties with trust, intimacy, receiving touch, etc...

The therapist has to find the appropriate touch for each individual client. Asking for constant feedback, clients can assume ownership of their body within this safe environment and determine their boundaries. What pressure to use and when to touch, when to hold you, when to stop and do absolutely nothing. It’s the immediacy of touch, the caring and nurturing it conveys, that makes it a highly therapeutic experience.

A male therapist?

When there is a history of emotional, physical or sexual abuse, the lack of trust is often coupled with a general fear of men.

In therapeutic massage the empathic witnessing by a male therapist is in itself a reparative relationship, and can provide the quality of touch and presence that can restore health in mind and body. The quality of this presence will also create safety and in this safe space healing can happen.

The Chemistry of Tantra

Tiresias was drawn into an argument between the Goddess Hera and her husband Zeus, on the theme of who has more pleasure in sex: the man, as Hera claimed; or, as Zeus claimed, the woman, as Tiresias had experienced both. Tiresias replied "Of ten parts a man enjoys one only." Hera instantly struck him blind for his impiety. Zeus could do nothing to stop her, but he did give Tiresias the gift of foresight and a lifespan of seven lives.

Until recently, exactly what happens in the brain during sex was something of a mystery to scientists. American researcher now have uncovered what goes on in a woman’s head during an orgasm. The scientists from Rutgers University, New Jersey, used scans to monitor women’s brains during orgasm and found that different brain parts are activated when various parts of her body are aroused. They found that up to 30 different parts of the brain are activated, including those responsible for emotion, touch, joy, satisfaction and memory. The scientists found that two minutes before orgasm the brain’s reward centres become active. These are the areas usually activated when eating food and drink.

Immediately before they reached the peak, other areas of the brain became affected such as the sensory cortex, which receives ‘touch’ messages from parts of the body. The final part of the brain to be activated is the hypothalamus, the ‘control’ part which regulates temperature, hunger, thirst and tiredness. The scientists also discovered that sexual arousal numbs the female nervous system to such an extent that a woman doesn’t feel as much pain — only pleasure. The team now hopes to map what happens in a man’s brain during orgasm.

A key hormone released during sex is oxytocin, also known as the ‘cuddle hormone’. This lowers our defences and makes us trust people more. It’s also the key to bonding, as it increases levels of empathy. Women produce more of this hormone, although it’s not clear why, and this means they are more likely to let their guard down and fall in love with a man after sex. However, the problem is that the body can’t distinguish whether the person we’re with is a casual fling or relationship material — oxytocin is released either way. So while it might help you bond with the love of your life, it’s also the reason you may feel so miserable when a short-term relationship ends.

Men, on the other hand, instead of getting a surge of bonding hormone receive a surge of simple pleasure. The problem is that when a man has an orgasm, the main hormone released is dopamine — the pleasure hormone. And this surge can be addictive. That’s why so many more men tend to suffer from sex addiction.

Clinical Research - healthy sexuality linked to general health

Although many of the benefits reputed to come from sex are drawn from inconclusive studies, there are in fact, many positive health benefits have been substantiated by scientific research.

Depression in women - One study, conducted by psychiatrist Gordon Gallup of the State University of New York, Albany, found that females having unprotected sex were significantly less depressed than both sexually inactive females and females who had sex with protection — indicating a connection between exposure to semen and elevated mood in women. Gallup said some of the chemicals found in semen can be found in the female bloodstream after sex — having been absorbed through the vaginal epithelial tissue — within about an hour of intercourse.
His study, published in 2001, also found that depression scores went up as time after the sexual encounter increased, suggesting the possibility of a “semen-related withdrawal effect.”

Endometriosis - Another study, conducted at Yale University, fertility doctor Harvey Kliman, explored the effects of orgasm on endometriosis — a condition in which the uterine lining grows in other areas of the female body.

Kliman’s study found that women who had a high frequency of orgasm during menstruation— either through intercourse or masturbation — had the lowest instances of endometriosis. While orgasms ordinarily produce upwards contractions to suck semen inwards, during menstruation, orgasms instead intensify the outward motion of orgasmic contractions, thereby pushing debris out instead of pulling it in, he said.

Logan Levkoff, a sexologist who spoke at Yale on the female orgasm, said sex increases the production of DHEA, a natural steroid, and releases hormones that reduce stress, improve muscle pain and cramping.

If I Let You Touch Me...

http://www.everotica.blogspot.com/

Poetry by Gabriella King

If I let you touch me, tease me, maybe seduce me
… how do you think I would feel?
Would I fall gracefully into your arms, limp with the hunger
Of need and yet with the resentment of anticipation
Dangling temptation in front of me, so near and yet so far

If I let you touch me, tease me, maybe seduce me
Would you take me to the mountaintop
Of my most salacious fantasy?
Or would you dare disappoint me, dear lover
Leaving me nude within my own sweat and feverish hunger
upon an empty bed of silken sheets and wet dreams?

If I let you touch me, tease me, maybe seduce me

Would you let me engage and enjoy
In the maelstrom of passion’s seductive flirt
Where I could roam, the beast within
Given freedom to satisfy my hunger and thirst
To be hunted by you, to be filled by you
So that my spirit could truly soar

If I let you touch me, tease me, maybe seduce me
Could you truly satisfy my need?

*****

Orgasms and attitudes about female genitals

An Indiana University study published in the September issue of the International Journal of Sexual Health found that women who feel more positively about women's genitals find it easier to orgasm and are more likely to engage in sexual health promoting behaviors, such as having regular gynecological exams or performing vulvar self-examinations.

"These are important findings about body image," said Debby Herbenick, associate director of the Center for Sexual Health Promotion in the School of Health, Physical Education and Recreation. "Our culture often portrays women's genitals as dirty and in need of cleaning and grooming. Some women may have had greater exposure to such negative messages or may be more susceptible to their impact."
Herbenick's study created a scale for measuring men's and women's attitudes toward women's genitals. Such a scale, she wrote in the study, could be useful in sex therapy, in medical settings to help better understand decision-making that goes into gynecological care and treatment, and in health education settings involving women and their sexual health. The study also found that men had more positive attitudes about women's genitals than women.
"Women are often more critical about their own bodies - and other women's bodies - than men are," Herbenick said. "What we found in this study is that men generally feel positive about a variety of aspects of women's genitals including how they look, smell, taste and feel."

Authentic Tantric Massage for Women

In tantric bodywork, the entire body is first lovingly massaged - deeply, and therapeutically.

This is the way you’ve always longed to be touched, but never believed that this kind of touch had really existed.

The therapist has no personal needs whatsoever, and he is not doing it to meet his own sexual needs. His joy is tuning in to you and the flow of your energy. Suddenly you find yourself unable to distinguish between body parts - you’ve been experiencing a gradual progression in the massage, which feels absolutely right and natural as every part of your body awakened. He isn’t asking anything from you – you’re not expected to reciprocate in any way, other than to soften and receive any pleasure that happens. He knows how to touch and when hold you, when to stop and do absolutely nothing. He remains still, resting, gently tapping in to an energy and transmitting it back into the core of your body.

This is an honoring, loving full body massage, in which every part of the body is held, massaged, explored and healed. Feelings of repressed sexuality and traumas, as well as low self-esteem, poor body image, (eg. due to abuse, disability, radical breast surgery, etc.) can be treated and healed. You will emerge with a new-found confidence. All the receiver has to do is just relax into the moment and enjoy the healing, the energy shifts. Tantric massage, given with the right intentions, never leaves the person feeling lonely, or empty. It doesn’t try and manipulate, or please. It is profound, emotional and spiritual and heals on a cellular level. The therapist has to be exceptionally experienced, sensitive, confident, with a great degree of emotionally intelligence.

In tantric massage. the empathic presence of a male therapist is in itself a reparative relationship, particularly where there is a history of abuse or traumatic sexual experience, where the quality of the masculine presence creates safety. In this safe space healing can happen.

Charging for Tantric Massage

A conversation in a Tantric Massage session recently, has helped to crystallise my thoughts on receiving payment from women for Tantric Massage.

*********
The consciousness of human sexuality still carries shame, guilt, and fear. Women, married or in a relationship, are still struggling with awkwardness, embarrassment or anger, under the "blanket" of a loving, committed relationship… Sex is still commonly an awkward and uncomfortable subject for many...

Many of the shaming elements in biblical interpretation and church history have passed from generation to generation into the present experience, our culture and society at large. I am deeply concerned for the healing of the profound trauma of shame and fear, not just in individuals, but within group systems, such as marriages, families. Today it's like an aftershock of an earthquake - using seismological imagery, I see long-unhealed sense of guilt as a dangerous "fault line" running through individual lives and in families, particularly affecting women for generations, and the words of the Bible are still shaping how men see and think of women:

“…No-one could learn the song except the 144,000 who had been redeemed from the earth.
These are those who did not defile themselves with women, for they kept themselves pure.” (Revelations 14:3-4)

For much of its history, Christianity has emphasized a strong separation of body and spirit, leaving some to consider the body "bad" and the spirit "good," thereby reinforcing our modern-day lack of clarity about sexuality. In the first century Paul advocated celibacy, if at all possible, as the best way to give oneself fully to the service of Christ. This set the stage for the shaming of those who couldn't’t measure up to the ideal. A fear of the flesh and denial of sexual impulses have left us with a disembodied theology and a great deal of shame and self-loathing. I see women are especially affected to this day...

@@@@@

Tantric bodywork teaches us that tantra is where men and women feel worthy of nothing but the best...

...where women understand, by example and gentle teachings their bodies, and that the shape of the entrance to their yoni is a sacred geometric shape called a Vesica Piscis.

...where men understand how to love and honour women and are loved and adored in return.

...where people aspire to excellence in their sexuality and love relationships, expand and enhance their feelings about sexuality

Religious and social conditioning has, and is still depriving women of their birthright, to embrace fully their sexuality and abandon themselves in their desire. Part of the problem is that we live in a culture which worships male energy which has led women who are struggling for recognition to act in a masculine way disconnecting from the power of their female energy. The power of the feminine is not acknowledged and unconsciously even feared.

In view of the above and the damage caused in a male dominated society, it seems obvious, that women should be offered Tantric Massage by their boyfriends, lovers, husbands and ideally even by therapists freely.

*********

After many years as a complementary therapist, I found that by working directly with the sexual and erotic energy of the body, healing could be speeded up. It is sacred work which requires maturity and self-knowledge. This work is enjoyable, often awesome - moving into sacred spaces to meet a radiant feminine spiritual-sexual energy. It is a privilege to witness and be given such trust.

I would not exclude anyone who sincerely want to change and yet I also need to honour myself, my time and experience. It is a conflict, difficult to reconcile in a marketplace-driven society.

My fees are based on the fact that as a complementary therapist I charge £50/hour for therapeutic massage, reflexology or aromatherapy sessions. (This is probably half the rate charged for “tantric massage" to men on websites where you find a masseuse with no tantra training or experience, although admittedly they may be more attractive than me.)
A genuine Tantric Massage session is around two hours long, and as I also offer flexible rates in my clinical work - feel free to pay as much as you can comfortably afford.

Ps;
To 'N',

Thank you for the inspiration for writing this....
Thank you for your joie de vivre...
Thank you for the softness of your body...
Thank you for guiding me with the rhythm of you breath...
...and allowing me to witness your beautiful "surrender".

A

Authentic Tantric Massage for Women

In tantric bodywork, the entire body is first lovingly massaged - deeply, and therapeutically.

This is the way you’ve always longed to be touched, but never believed that this kind of touch had really existed.

The therapist has no personal needs whatsoever, and he is not doing it to meet his own sexual needs. His joy is tuning in to you and the flow of your energy. Suddenly you find yourself unable to distinguish between body parts - you’ve been experiencing a gradual progression in the massage, which feels absolutely right and natural as every part of your body awakened. He isn’t asking anything from you – you’re not expected to reciprocate in any way, other than to soften and receive any pleasure that happens. He knows how to touch and when hold you, when to stop and do absolutely nothing. He remains still, resting, gently tapping in to an energy and transmitting it back into the core of your body.

This is an honoring, loving full body massage, in which every part of the body is held, massaged, explored and healed. Feelings of repressed sexuality and traumas, as well as low self-esteem, poor body image, (eg. due to abuse, disability, radical breast surgery, etc.) can be treated and healed. You will emerge with a new-found confidence. All the receiver has to do is just relax into the moment and enjoy the healing, the energy shifts. Tantric massage, given with the right intentions, never leaves the person feeling lonely, or empty. It doesn’t try and manipulate, or please. It is profound, emotional and spiritual and heals on a cellular level. The therapist has to be exceptionally experienced, sensitive, confident, with a great degree of emotionally intelligence.

In tantric massage. the empathic presence of a male therapist is in itself a reparative relationship, particularly where there is a history of abuse or traumatic sexual experience, where the quality of the masculine presence creates safety. In this safe space healing can happen.